It had been 60 years since Benaiah left the world.

Granted, he had stayed much, much longer than his father had, but the effectiveness of his extended reign was still much questioned.

It began in Ephesus.

The center of town was awash in light, and just as quickly as the phenomenon began, it ended.

What was left was a stone obelisk, where a large fountain and 40 people had been.

On the obelisk there was a message,

"שִׁבעָה כוכבים" 

"Seven Stars"

Obelisks started appearing around Greece, in Alaşehir, Pergamon, Akhisar, the ruins of Sardis, and just outside Denizli and İzmir.

Finally, the island of Patmos just collapsed. All that was left was a small monastery, on a risen plateau that once housed an entire island.

Conspiracy theories ran wild all over the world, governments scrambled to provide a logical explanation.

Us? We drew a fucking map.

Under our new leadership, we haven't been very motivated. A great military leader, but we had all known him when he was just the dumbfuck that made exploding bran. He was nearly a hundred and didn't look a day over forty. Hell, most of us were in our nineties and we were still living like thirty-five. A life expectancy is very hard to come by in our world, especially in our line of work.

I ran up to the commander's office. I opened the door into a dark room. It was like a 50's noir film. A single stream of light is shining from a window...that now that I think about it, was definitely not there yesterday, did he put in a window just to look cool whenever someone walked in??

...anyway, there's a silence, before he speaks,

"What do you want, Metzer?"

"Uh...we finished our map Muf..."

The silhouette lifts its head slightly.

"...commander. Seems shape isn't really a factor in anything."

"Great, useless as usual Metzer, get out of my sight."


"Fuck you."

The silhouette gets to its feet. Blond hair glistens in the limited light.

Angered eyes of blue suddenly shine through, threateningly.

I flip him off and leave.

I hear Him sigh and chuckle a little.

"Same ol' Jerry, eh?"

"Sure am, Muffin."

She'ol is meant to be bleak, understand.

The shades were a failed design, poor emaciated things with a patronizing happy face mask stuck to the face.

But when entering the Bosom, the Rephaim regain their Earthly appearance, and bask in the glory of the Lord.

The Lesser YHVH quickly ascended through the Bosom into the ascending levels of Shamayim. Passing into Shehaqim quickly, the Lesser kneeled before the Patriarchs, blew his trumpet and the angels scattered. Uriel left his post at Eden and ventured south, past the entrance to the Tzoah Rotachat. Entering Maon, the duo was met by Michael as he exited the Holy Temple to join them. The trio entered Makon, and found Samael watching the world with eager eyes. He was excited to begin, very eager, but wouldn't the Reaper of Souls be excited if billions were about to die?

Araboth, the Holiest of the Seven. Cassiel opened the gates for the Collective and the foursome moved in with haste. There, they found Him on the throne.

As they kneeled before Him, He spoke, "Do not kneel, you are on hallowed ground."


"Yeah, I don't know. It's the End so I figured I'd kick it off with a little Godly wisdom."

"That obviously didn't work out.", the Angel of Death replied.

"You shut your mouth Azrael!", He replied.

"I am not Azrael! I am Samael, the accuser!", Samael bellowed.

"No, you are Azrael. As much as I hate Christianity, you really only fit Samael's profile when you shared a body with I and Ha-Satan, the actual accuser. Without that, you are merely the for-sure Angel of Death, Azrael."

"Booooooo. BOOOO!"

"Quit your whining!", the Lesser YHVH proclaimed.

"Don't you start Metatron! You're another one!" Michael screamed.

"Enough!" He yelled before leaping off the throne.

"Let's get to work. Have we selected our John of Patmos?"

"Yeah, bedrock, I don't understand, if we aren't meant to follow the Christian path, why are we paralleling Revelation?" spoke the Lesser.

"Honestly? For once, there was enough good to outshine the bad. But don't you worry, we're gonna Jew it up real good!"

I met Joe at a bar off of Levittown. We talked for a while, drank some beer and headed out.

As we drove, we heard a trumpet sounding.

As if the whole word trembled, there was a resounding voice,

"To the one seated on the throne and to the lamb be blessing, honor, glory, and might, for ever and ever!"

Within Tzoah an evil beyond words slept in the crypt of a skull. As one of his apostles came to him and told him, "It's time."

Ha-Satan rose to his feet, wobbled his head about until his neck cracked, and took his leave.


"Come!", the Lord screamed, as the first of the seven seals was forced open.

Uriel took a step forward.

"Come!", the Lord screamed again, as the second of the seals was opened as well.

Michael took a step forward.

"Come!", the Lord screamed again, as the third of the seals was opened.

The Lesser YHVH stepped forward.

"Come!", the Lord screamed again, as the fourth of the seals was opened.

Azrael stepped forward, Ha-Satan behind him.

"Go forth, and destroy a fourth of the people. Then return."

"What's that? Three billion? Not too hard." Azrael said, stroking his blade affectionately.

"Then go."

Screaming. That's all I can remember, screaming.

Joe and I got back in the truck and slammed it, we were booking it back to Mu.

All around we saw people fall to the ground, flaming. Some had greenish-blue skin, peeling off, blisters covering their skin. Some looked like they hadn't eaten in months as they died.

I got a buzz on my phone. Someone hard forwarded a message Mu received from Epsilon.

The Angel has arrived.
The Gate is Open.
They are riding forth.
Oh G_d, it's so beautiful…

Well, that's comforting.

Within hours death tolls began rolling in.



Billions dead.

All at once.

We were scrambling. Some of us just killed ourselves right then and there, some of us fell burning like the rest, some sick and some starved-looking. Others threw ourselves before our commander and prayed for comfort.

He did nothing.

The Lord removed the fifth seal, and the souls of those killed from his orders screamed in anguish, begging for salvation.

The Lord removed the sixth seal...

The Earth began to rumble. I grabbed Joe by the arm and ran. Some stayed behind, others joined in.

As soon as we got off Mu the whole place just folded in on itself and the foundation sunk into the Earth, fire exploding from the empty footstep.

But the rumble didn't stop. All over the world there were quakes. Millions upon millions were swallowed by the Earth.

The Sun turned black, looking as if it was wrapped up in decaying, black cloth. The sky rolled up, revealing the black nothingness beyond.

The Moon turned red, like blood.

Stars began peppering the Earth, islands sank, cities were leveled, entire nations reduced to craters overnight. Mountains moved from their places, dropping themselves on the people below.

Entire nations begged for death. But death did not come to them.

After days of the madness, which we had for some reason been spared, legions of men, women, and children marched through the streets.

The seas rose and parted, oceans drained, and these men and women walked across them. Throughout every continent, every nation, 26 million Jews walked to Jerusalem. There, their foreheads were adorned with a strange inscription:

"יְהוָה - אֶבֶן יְסוֹד אָדָם"

There, the masses ascended into the sky, as all around the world wept, both at its beauty, and its foreboding message.

We were left behind.

The Lord removed the seventh seal.

A great fiery altar appeared before Him. Cassiel appeared and trapped the fire in a censer.

And threw it to the Earth...

The world cracked open. Literally. It cracked open. There was fire, lightning and thunder, brimstone spewing from the ground.

Bloody hail pummeled the ground, killing thousands.

The Earth was consumed by fire. A third of the world burned to ash. The trees, the grass.

A mountain of flame hit the Earth, and all the water turned to blood. All sealife died. All ships sank. The water became bitter, and killed a third of the planet.

A great, flaming star crashed into the world.

The Sun and Moon exploded. Great chunks of it are missing. Most of the stars have vanished from the night.

A great abyss opened up, and horrible things came out.

Mangled beings looking of bloody flesh, strange winged men in suits, locusts with the faces of humans, and finally, a being we all knew well.

Abbadon and Adramelekh led their demons from the abyss, and as the world's eyes and cameras turned to the fiery pit, we all saw what we dreaded most.

As the last of the monsters left the pit, a grimy tentacle, withered with age but still as strong as it was in youth, wrapped itself around the gate of the pit and slammed it shut.

The demons attacked millions. Western Asia was little more than a lake of blood after running through Mongolia. But no one died. People were stung, dismembered, poisoned, mutilated, but were alive the whole time. If only we were so lucky.

The demon's venoms mess with your mind. Make you see people you've lost, people you love.

I can't bear to recall what happened to my body. But Joe and I managed to pull through.

Arctic Base Theta has gone white. No response from any systems. All teams on site are believed dead. Automatic systems have activated onsite nuke. Our teams didn't make it in time to prevent detonation, those paranoid bastards actually did it. Withdraw all units from the area, we don't have time to deal with the fallout.

"Josie, I don't think I can make it to your mothers. There are these THINGS in the street! They walked right through the walls, rotted the whole thing down!"

The Lord commanded the Angels of Euphrates take 1/3 of the world's renaming population.

Fosfat, Gofrit, Barzel, Plutoniyum (פוֹספָט ,גוֹפרִית ,בַּרזֶל ,פּלוּטוֹנִיוּם) conjured an army of two hundred million horsemen. The riders had breastplates of fire, sapphire, and sulfur. The heads of the horses were like the heads of lions.

Out of their mouths came fire, smoke, and sulfur. A third of humankind was killed by these three plagues.

The rest of humankind, who were not killed by these plagues, did not give up worshiping demons and idols of gold, silver, bronze, stone, and wood, which cannot see or hear or walk. And they did not repent of their murders, their use of magic, their sexual immorality, or their stealing.

Finally, the men of She'ol, and Shamayim fell to their knees, and proclaimed, "Your wrath has come! The time has come to reward your servants, prophets, and saints and to ruin those who ruin the earth."

The door to the abyss shook and rumbled, until a great beast pushed through, with The Son riding its back. As it emerged, millions of flying sin followed behind. The door behind it shut tightly behind them.

They flew to the Shamayim, where it prepared for war.

Michael led his army valiantly against the dragon, as Satan and his forces fought back. Finally, the angels prevailed, and Satan and his army of evil was cast down to the Earth.

Something came from the sea today. It was terrifying. It had ten horns and seven heads, and on its horns were ten crowns.

The Dragon ceded its authority to it, and it proclaimed that it was God.

The world worshiped it.

Meanwhile, our real God was nowhere to be seen.

We'd tried looking for him, calling him, doing whatever we could but we couldn't find him.

A beast came from the Earth today. It created idols and killed hundreds, those who didn't worship it, mostly.

It marked most of its followers with "616"

That's when I started getting suspicious.

I checked up, and it turns out this is classic Revelation.

Revelation ends with 99% of the world burning in sulfur.

We have to find Muffin. Now.

Time to reap, friends.

Angels with sickles have killed billions. They just come down and swing, and people die.

Today, most of us have grown boils. Tomorrow, the sea should be blood.

have to find muffin

have to find muffin

have to find muffin

i was right the sea is blood now

It seems I have been undermined by a higher power. Imagine that? I'm sorry everyone. I couldn't do it. The past sixty years have basically just been fluff. Every since bedrock and his son left, I've owed all my success to the Messianic Age. But I never really did anything of true importance.

I'm sorry.

Given current circumstances, all personnel are to secure their stations. Samson Option is approved. All non-essential specimens, anomalies, and documented phenomenons are to be terminated. Protocol Ganymede has been enacted. All intact Compounds, Sites, or other clandestine establishments under GS/CN control have been revoked. All Sites are independent from this point onward.


~ Commander Muffin


> **********


> Jacob


> Aaron


> Ganymede


All personnel are to unlock and decode Emergency Order Patmos-Omega, and follow all orders within.

It rained fire.

Joe didn't make it.

He thought he heard someone screaming and went out to help them.

He never came back.

There was another earthquake. Every city I can find has collapsed. Every island in sight has collapsed.

Spirits called every nation's armies sent to Tel Megiddo.

The angels destroyed the armies and threw the beast and the false prophet into...hell I think.

Oh God.

There's fire everywhere.


some red thing is knocking at the window god please help me idontwantodie bed don't let me die please don't let me die please don't let me die please don't let me die the red thing got through the window i don't want to die yet oh jeessussssssssssssss hes here hes here hes here hes here hes heresomeonehelpmePLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE


Then I saw a great white throne and the one who sat on it. The earth and heaven vanished in his presence and could not be found.

And I saw the dead, large and small, standing before the throne, where books were opened. The sea gave up the dead which were in it, and Azrael and Ha-Satan gave up the dead which were in them.

And Ha-Satan was thrown into the lake of fire.

The books were opened along with another book, the Book of Life. The dead were judged by what was written in the books, according to their deeds. Their belief is God was not even a factor, their sins were their only judgement.

Those who sinned were cast into the Tzoah.

This is the second death, the lake that burns with fire and brimstone.

I was up to the gates, and the Lord spoke to me. Told me to go on in.

Suddenly, I was awash in light.

Back on earth, I saw everything was sand. Hills.

Beautiful flowers.

Roads of gold, like actual gold!

All lands were one, no oceans, no lakes, just a land of...

After a few hours of walking, I saw it.

A beautiful cube of crystal slowly descending from the sky.

On it, twelve gates of jewels, shining...beautifully.

On the inside, the city of New Jerusalem was as golden as the roads leading to it.

Large trees with twelve kinds of fruit, rivers as beautifully crystal blue as...I don't even know.

In the center of the city, there are two thrones. One for the Lord, and one for his Son.

He will wipe every tear from our eyes. There will be no more nighttime. And death, mourning, crying, and pain will not exist any more.

Blessed are those who can enter into the city by the gates!

"And that's the long, elaborate version of how I'd do the Apocalypse", spoke Zog.

"Oh shit, were we supposed to be listening?", Jacob said.

"Oh dammit, I had my iPod in!", BedrockPerson said.

"Do over! Do over!" said bedrock.

Then the Skype call ended.